3 Requirements for Authenticity
Recently I had an unusual experience at a dinner party. One of the guests look familiar. Very familiar. But...
He was different.
He looked the same.
He even spoke the same with the same expressions.
But he was different…a lot different.
The dinner continued. There were two other friends there with John and me. We were crammed into a booth for four. I was on the inside sitting diagonally across from John, who was on the outside opposite me.
Let’s go back to when I met John in 1993. A close friend connected us and gave John a glowing recommendation. John was in transition and looking for his next career opportunity.
Back then I believed everyone should be an entrepreneur. Everyone should be in business for themselves. I convinced John to take the leap. In our initial meeting, he said, “I want to be in my own business someday.”
So I assured him, “Today is the day!”
A year later and $150k invested and we realized today wasn’t the day. John moved on after we shuttered his startup. Ten years later, John stepped into the CEO role of one of my fast-growth startup investments. He did a great job. He put process and structure in place while leading the business to a successful exit. We all did well.
John then started a personal service business. He is a business advisor and coach to Christian CEOs. I believe all of them are also business owners. He serves close to thirty of these leaders.
He meets with them in three separate one-day small group sessions and then meets with each one separately for two hours in a one-on-one every month. John provides high value as he helps them gain the perspective of working on their business and not just in their business. John is successful because he is a great listener and is well-read, empathetic, and endowed with great wisdom.
But the dude is busy. Scheduled from morning until night. Whenever I bring up how busy he is and say I just couldn't do what he does, he says, "I just love what I do." Everybody he serves is in my camp. They shake their heads and can’t figure out how he serves them so effectively.
As we approached the end of the dinner, I had to ask John, “What is different about you?”
He looked surprised and said, “I don’t know.”
”There is something very different. There is a peace about you I’ve never seen before.“
He said, “I just came back from a one-month vacation.”
"That's it!" I said.
John is one of those friends who always acted like he was settled and at peace. So I thought he was at peace.
But what I realized at this dinner is what John "at peace" really looks like.
And here is what I observed.
He was fully present.
He wasn't on, meaning, thinking he was expected to say something insightful.
He was light-hearted. He enjoyed us and actually laughed.
I shared this with you, my reader, because it had me questioning who I am. I have known John for twenty-three years. This was the first time I experienced the authentic John.
So I wonder.
Do I ever meet these three criteria for authenticity?