Every Identity I Have Can Disappear — Except One

My friend told his son, a talented high school baseball player, “Remember. Your identity isn’t being a baseball player. Your identity is in Christ.”

I disagreed.

The Christian thought around identity is exactly what my friend told his son.

But when this was said to me years ago, and still today, I didn’t know what to do with this answer.

Everyone I associated with in the marketplace, the VC’s, entrepreneurs, and community leaders, identified me as an angel investor. That was my identity.

The Christians I know who explain that my identity is not an angel investor but rather in Jesus Christ are all Christians who have a job and an unmistakable identity in the marketplace. In other words, their identity in the world is settled, so now they can be philosophical.

When I ask them what it means for my identity to be in Christ rather than in what I do, I never get a good answer. What I mean is, I’m not sure what to do with “my identity is in Christ.”

Thinking through this issue, here are my thoughts on identity.

We live in the world. The world demands we have an identity.

At a networking event, like a cocktail party, what are the first two questions everyone asks you?

What is your name?

What do you do?

I answer, “I’m Charlie Paparelli. I am a professional angel investor.”

But there was a time when I wasn’t an angel investor. I was an unemployed CEO.

I lost my job, and my identity went right out the window with it. I hated networking events during this time because I didn’t know how to answer the “What do you do?” question. My answer was a recount of my resume. The real answer was, “I’m an unemployed tech executive.” Not a very impressive identity.

And this was embarrassing. It was also a very difficult time in my life. I was a man with no job, no identity, and no God. I was adrift.

One day, I found myself driving my four-year-old son home from school. He asked me, “Dr. Phil next door is a doctor. What are you?”

“Yikes!” I thought to myself. I froze—such an easy question to answer. I had no answer. Right then, I was nothing. A what? Unemployed? How do I answer my four-year-old son’s question?

And then the right answer just came to me.

“I’m your dad.”

“That’s great.” He said.

And that was that.

I learned a lot about identity from that conversation.

I learned that I have many identities, not just my career identity. And now, at seventy-three, I realized the list of identities was very long.

Take a look.

Brother
Son
Grandson
Nephew
Cousin
Graduate
Accountant
Partner in a startup
Friend
Husband
Dad
VP of Technology
General manager
VP and President
COO
Son-in-Law
Brother-in-Law
Bible study leader
Keynote speaker
President of a ministry
Chairman of the Board
Community leader
Angel Investor
Father-in-Law
Dad
Uncle
Grandfather
Executive Coach
Born-again Christian
Disciple of Jesus Christ
Caregiver
Child of God

See…lots of identities.

Identity is what makes the world work. It makes it easy for us to figure out who we are in our families, in our occupation, and in our community. Because it identifies who we are to everyone else.

For startups, the first threshold to success is achieving product-market fit. Here is the test for product-market fit. If a potential customer has a problem they want to solve, which happens to be your specialty, do you come to mind as the person or company they should call? Some simple examples are:

I have a toothache. Who do I call? The dentist.

I just made a deal with someone, and I want it in writing. Who do I call? An attorney.

I’m in London, and I need to go somewhere. Who do I call? Uber

I’m looking for a place to eat. Who do I call? Google maps

This is true for our identity, too.

People need to know when to call us. We achieve this through identity, our ‘personal product-market fit.’ It is our identity that makes our network, the people we know, valuable to us and us to them.

And that is why we must have an identity for each area of our lives... family, business, and community/neighborhood.

But where does my identity in Christ fit in?

It is my foundation. It is my anchor. It is my unchanging identity.

Every other identity I have in the world can go away. My wife can divorce me. I can get fired. I will someday retire. Worldly identities are only for a time.

But my relationship with Jesus Christ is now and forever. The bible tells me, “Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.”


And Jesus told the Apostles in Luke 10:20, “However, don’t rejoice that the Spirits submit to you, but rejoice that your names are written in Heaven.”

He is telling his disciples, don’t celebrate what you do here, your worldly identity. Celebrate that you will be with me forever, in Heaven.

Yes. My unchanging, rock-solid identity is in Christ.

So what is my identity now that I am retired?

My former business partner Bob told me, “Do you know how to end a conversation quickly at a cocktail party?”

“When they get around to asking you what you do, tell them you are retired. They’ll be graceful about it, but they’ll be gone in sixty seconds.”

He’s right, I tried it.

I am going to tell them next time that I am a baseball player.