Power of (Really) Observing
Do you ever simply observe the people you love? It sounds creepy, but stick with me on this.
Kathy and I were on vacation. My oldest daughter, Julia, who is the planner in our family, set a trip to Disney for a week for her family, and she invited us to join them. I took this as an opportunity to plan a visit with my sister in Miami for a couple of days. Then we would head north again and visit with our friends Chuck and Sue in Lake Placid, Florida. It's been forever since we saw everyone, and we decided to drive rather than fly. It was a lot of fun to roll along together at a vacation pace.
By getting away from our daily routines, I had a chance to observe Kathy interacting with people. It wasn't something I planned to do. It just happened.
You might ask, "Why don't you do it all the time?"
This is a good question. It is a question I asked myself.
And my answer is, when we are together, we are interacting. Interacting is not observing. When I'm interacting, I must be self-aware. Meaning how am I listening, hearing, and reacting to what Kathy says? I also have an awareness of how Kathy is reacting to what I am saying. There is little time in all this to simply observe.
The first time I observed Kathy on this trip, we were having dinner with my sister, Janet. My sister was describing some troubling childhood experiences to Kathy. Janet started talking, and I watched Kathy listening. I wasn't part of their conversation. I was simply an observer.
To become an observer, I had to choose to recuse myself from their conversation. Even though there were just three of us at the dinner that night, it was clear this conversation did not include me. Janet and Kathy were connecting on a very personal issue. They were two women, two daughters, two people. One sharing and one listening. I had no role in this conversation, no responsibility. I was an observer.
This gave me a unique opportunity. I could see my sister sharing. I saw how Kathy listened. I observed the kindness in the way she sat and faced my sister. The empathy in her eyes. The way she reached out and touched my sister's hand as she described a particularly difficult childhood experience. Maybe for the first time in a long time, I watched Kathy, my wife, interact with someone else.
Then, a couple of days later, we went on a walk with our friend Sue. Kathy and Sue were walking ahead of me and talking together. I was not part of their conversation. I was, once again, an observer. So I observed.
I watched Kathy as she listened.
I saw her body language. I observed her gait. I saw her inner beauty. I witnessed her humanity. I saw something I observed in Kathy when I first laid eyes on her.
It was love at first sight then. And here I was observing it again. I saw it. That something so difficult to describe. It is that personal. This only happens to me when I see her. It is like I saw her soul, her essence. I realized at that moment, this is why I love her. I can't describe it. I just know it.
On May 21st, Kathy and I celebrated our forty-fourth wedding anniversary. These years slipped past so quickly. I remember our first look at each other. The sparkle of life and joy in her eyes. The energy. The love of life. The way she saw the world. The beauty of the Rockies, the pine trees, the snow, and most importantly, how she saw people. She welcomes them. It was like she understands a person by just being in their space. And she always appreciates them and empathizes with them, even before they say a word.
Kathy is special to me, and I love her. And I realized once again why. I allowed myself to separate from her, to not be in her space, and to not be about me, but to simply observe her. To see her, really see her. To watch, observe, and appreciate her for how God made her. To see her soul.
Happy Anniversary, Kathy!
When is the last time you simply observed the people you love?