The Uncharted Path: Embracing Change and Rediscovering Purpose

If you are transitioning into your last stage of life, you’ve discovered there is no playbook. Here is what is happening to me.

"I’m beginning to feel like I'm not relevant anymore,” he said with a bit of a tremor in his voice. He said this over lunch with me a few weeks ago. When he shared this, it opened up a time for sharing among life-long friends.

This happened to me. 

It hit me hard six years ago when I was sixty-five. I went from being at the center of my professional universe where I was sought after. Then I became Charlie who, as I look back on the time of this realization, was like the surfer trying to get the last bit of energy from the wave he was riding. The nearer the beach, the slower the ride.  All the power in my career as an active angel was quickly dissipating. It was coming to an end. I still saw myself as the active angel I was at fifty-five, but the market didn’t see me this way. And the market is always right.  I remember the best of times but was slow to recognize the decline from the best of times.

Losing relevance in my occupation was painful. I was an active angel investor for over twenty-five years. And now, what? The answer is, I am no longer an active angel investor. In fact, I am not an angel investor at all. I stopped writing checks. When an angel investor stops writing checks, the startup community tags the former angel investor as irrelevant.

The first and final step in this slide from relevance is letting people know. This happened when I was approached by an entrepreneur who was seeking investment. I told him, "I am no longer writing checks.” 

He immediately said, "Do you know any angel investors I should be contacting?”

In a second, I went from an active angel in this entrepreneur’s mind to simply a referral source. At first, I was a good referral source. Then, as more time passed since my last investment, I lost touch with the new angel investors in the marketplace. When this happened, I lost all relevance to the startup ecosystem. 

I was irrelevant. 

The entrepreneur market looking for funding said, “Don’t call him. He can’t help.” I was out!

My first step in advancing past this awful realization of irrelevance was to admit it. I needed to accept I was no longer relevant to my former market.

Admitting this out loud to myself was painful. I was calling an end to an occupation I was deeply committed to for twenty-five years. It was my profession. It was a huge part of my life. I put in a lot of thought, time, effort, sweat, blood, money, and love. It took all of me to become the angel investor I became. And now? I'm not that anymore. I’m out. I declared I was out when I said, “I am no longer writing checks." But the really painful part was when the market decided I was out. My occupation of twenty-five years was over. Yes, over.

An end marks a new beginning.

Accepting this was my first step to moving on in my life. Just because I am not doing what I used to do for the people I used to do it for may make me irrelevant, but it certainly does not make me worthless.

Getting to this point was the beginning of a new journey. This began my search for relevance. And this search was mine and mine alone. No one else could give me an answer. I had to pack up, step out, and begin walking. To recognize I was in pursuit of an answer to my question, "Where is my relevance now?" It wasn’t behind me. It was in front of me. But where?

This is why I needed to keep walking. I was seeking. What I found from people who were older was they rarely took this journey. They simply accepted the irrelevance of their previous occupation. Some wore it like the chains worn by the ghost of Christmas Past in Dicken’s A Christmas Carol. Others simply wore the label “Retired.”

I believed then, “I have a future. I am valuable. God made me to serve Him and others. God hasn’t taken me yet, so I must continue to be on that path. Whom might I help who believes I might be helpful?”

To find these people, I needed to pay attention to who was calling me and asking for help. It wasn’t so much about finding them but rather recognizing them.

It started with my aging sister. She is ten years older than I am and lives in Miami. I was contacted by her next-door neighbor one afternoon.  He said, “Your sister fell in her condo. If I hadn't walked past her door at the time and heard her calls for help, she might have died on the floor."

At that moment, I was about to become a caregiver.

My sister needed me. She has no one else to help her. Becoming a caregiver was very hard for me. I had a lot to learn. At first, I treated it like a project, but over the last year and a half, I realized it was a new occupation.

I also had a couple of entrepreneurs reach out to me. These are men I had invested in as an angel investor over twenty-five years ago. They are running their new businesses, and I wanted to help them.

They saw me, at this point in their life's journey, as someone they trusted who would be able to help them. They were interested in growing their business in preparation for an exit but also preparing themselves for their last season of life.

And then there is Kathy and my children, their spouses, and my grandchildren.

I am generally a homebody. Kathy is not. She loves to travel. I am a planner and project manager. She is not. Her interest in places to see in the world creates relevance for me. She needs me to help her achieve her dreams. This is so rewarding. I get to use my skills. She gets to satisfy her wanderlust. We get to travel and enjoy each other on some wonderful trips.

These trips usually include visiting our children and their families—the proverbial two birds with one stone.

I also realized my son-in-law also calls from time to time for business advice. They have the network of help they need. They simply want to run their issues by me as an experienced businessman and former board member. They don't want me to do anything; they just want to tap into my wisdom and get a different perspective.  

Back to the question? “Am I  relevant?”

Yes and no. No to the people I was relevant to when I practiced my last occupation. Yes to the people in my life who need me in a way I never envisioned.

In summary, here’s some of what I learned in seeking the answer to the question, “Where is my relevance now?”

1. Admit to an end to your life-long occupation. Let it be known. Don’t try to sneak out of your occupation. Say it is over to anyone who asks. This allows for a new beginning.

2. Keep walking. Not all of your network disappears when you stop practicing your occupation. Stay engaged with this part of your network. They have part of the answer to your question. 

3. Pay attention to who is calling you and why they are calling you. This is the market seeking you out. This is the market telling you where they see your value.

4. Serve them.

5. In the end, there will be a small group of people who will miss you. The group of people sitting in the front row of your memorial service. Use this time in your life to heal, nurture, and enjoy these relationships.

The unsettling part of this transition to this last season of your life is this: You can’t plan for it. One day, you’ll find yourself at the starting line of the last season of your life. Get ready. This is the beginning of the most meaningful journey of your life.

Don't fight it, and don’t give up. It is God’s blessing. Embrace it. God has a plan for your life.

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