There is Power in Your Age
“I want to make sure that I relate to this younger generation.”
This was said to me over lunch over ten years ago. The man saying it was seventy years old and the founder of a successful ministry. He discussed how he paid attention to the clothes he wore and how he expressed himself.
My advice to him was, “Act your age. There is power in your age.”
Now I’m seventy, and I have to catch myself sometimes when I meet with entrepreneurs. It is so easy to fall into the habit of connecting and relating to people as if we are the same age. I fell into this trap because my body aged, but my mind did not.
Relating to a thirty-five-year-old entrepreneur is so easy for me to do. I remember being that age like it was yesterday. At least, I think I remember.
But the fact is, I don’t.
That was thirty-five years ago, and I remember a romanticized version of this past reality. Some of what I remember is true, but the complexity of the circumstance, my inexperience, my maturity, my financial condition, and my environment are no longer clear to me. I’m creating a new, partially fictionalized reality. And here I am, trying to relate like I know exactly what’s happening in his life.
Then I remind myself what this younger person sees from across the table. He is looking at a seventy-year-old with gray hair and wrinkles. I believe I still have a vibrancy about me, but I am not this young person’s peer in their judgment.
I need to think less about how I dress and what I say as proof that I can relate. Acting my age means listening and not presuming. I must focus on who they are and their circumstances and challenges to appreciate their constraints and aspirations.
As an elder, I can help a younger person in a unique way. In a way that none of their peers can help them. A peer can relate. I provide perspective. A peer is walking through the same dense woods of confusion and challenges as they are. I’ve gotten to the other side of those very same woods. A peer will commiserate on the problem. I can ask the questions that lead to an answer, their answer. A peer is their friend. I am their guide. In short, a peer relates. An elder offers hope.
If they are looking for the next steps in business, they are better off seeking that advice from someone five to ten years older. Their experiences are timely and relevant to the younger person’s circumstances. I call these people mentors.
Elders might not remember what worked for them, but they do know why what they did worked. In other words, elders don't remember the steps but do know the journey. They live by principles, not detailed tactics. Principles are always true. Tactics depend on the circumstances and are hit-and-miss. Principles work in any circumstance.
There is power that comes with age.
There is respect that comes with age.
There is wisdom that comes with age.
With all this said, I say to my fellow elders, “Be careful.” Remember. Start by listening. Listening by an elder shows love and respect for the younger person. It also demonstrates humility. And humility, real humility, makes an elder approachable and valuable.
It is easy to give advice.
It is hard to listen.
It is hard to have what you think is the answer and not share it.
When I was a young entrepreneur, I thought I wanted how-to advice. What I needed was a tried and true principle. What I wanted was someone to listen to me. To allow me to “think out loud.” I wanted compassion without judgment from someone who was competent and safe. Someone to tell me, “You are on the way to figuring this out. You will get through this. It may look dark or confusing, but trust me, there is an exit. You’ll find it.” And this in and of itself is a principle—the principle of hope.
The elder doesn’t have the answer. This is for the younger person to figure out. The elder is proof, sitting right in front of them, that all will eventually be well again. They are not alone. They are loved. They are capable. There is an end, and everything will be OK.
I recently had lunch with the man I told about in the opening of this article. He is now well into his eighties. He isn’t trying to relate except as an elder. When we met, he had a lot to share. Here’s what stuck with me.
He now lives in an independent living facility. His wife has passed. He is fully retired. He is all alone. What I remember from our conversation is his heart for those who don’t know the love and hope of Jesus Christ. He didn’t talk about business or ministry. He talked about love and eternity.
He gave me hope.
There is power in his age.