Whose Funeral Would You Attend Tomorrow? That’s Who You Should Call Today.

I just attended a funeral. It was for a friend whose wife died.

I learned a big lesson from this experience.

A little background

This friend was my CFO in a business I ran back in the late eighties. We were very close. We worked together every day, all day, for close to five years. After we both left this business, I connected my friend, Craig, with another business owner friend, Phil. Together, they built that business and sold it years later. They then both retired.

As I walked into the lobby of the church, there was my friend, Craig. He looked different. He aged. He was now seventy-eight. The last time I saw him was ten years ago.

The first words I said were, “I am so sorry for your loss.” Then it hit me. He didn’t recognize me. I saw it in his expression. I had changed, too. Ten years in this last season of life will do that to a man. So I said, “I’m Charlie Paparelli.” He quickly said, “I know who you are.”

It happened again

Sitting in the pew, I turned and saw his partner, my other friend, Phil, with whom I connected Craig a while ago. He aged too. I might not have recognized him if I wasn’t looking for him specifically.

When the service ended, I was waiting in the church lobby for Phil and his wife. They looked at me and walked right past me. These are two people I’ve known for over forty years. We were close, very close. We shared lots of our lives, kids, parties, golf, the whole bit. But at some point, life circumstances changed, and we were no longer in each other’s orbit.

All this shook me up. We didn’t recognize each other. A close co-worker, a good old friend, and we walked right past each other. I’m sure they saw me just as I saw them. They even probably said to themselves, “Is that Charlie?” but kept going.

What I learned

I am now in my early seventies. I see this decade as the beginning of my last season of life. It is far different from any other season of life I experienced. It is a season of no second chances. I either do “it” now, or “it” will never happen. This includes visiting with friends, neighbors, former business associates, and people in my church community.

The question I asked myself today, after wrestling with what happened to me at the funeral, is this: Whose funeral would I go to if I found out they died today?

If I am willing to change my schedule, to drop everything, to honor them by attending their funeral, why would I not be visiting with them while they are still alive?

This thought hit me hard

I need to change how I plan. I need to build plans focused on people. Not plans focused on projects.

Life is short. In this season, the richness of life is in people, not projects.

This morning, as you can see, my feelings and thoughts from the funeral all came together. The question made all the difference. Whose funeral would I go to if I found out they died today?

I made a list. What surprised me was the size of the list. There were so many people to spend time with. But I realized that with many people, all it takes is a simple ten-minute call. With other people, it may be a coffee a couple of times a year. And still with others, it may be a regular dinner date or a trip and a longer visit.

The change for me will be in how I plan my day-to-day. This list of people comes first, then the projects!

I am calling my former business partner, Bob Lasher, this week!