You Don’t Know Until You Ask (How I Learned to Listen to Family)

“I am not ready to follow Jesus!” Andy told himself.

My nephew Andy Borgmann is in his mid-thirties. He wanted to meet with me to get advice on starting his new business. I think of him as a professing Christian, but over the years I’ve known him, I'd never heard his story. This was my fault.

In preparation for advising him on his business, it was important for me to know where he came from so I could help him with where he is going. This is where I always start with strangers I meet. My first question is always, “So where did you grow up?”

This leads to questions about their parents, siblings, friends, schools, interests, and work. It begins an easy and freewheeling conversation. The result is an in-depth understanding of who the person is. When I understand the arc of their life, what they intend to do begins to make sense to me. When I can fit their plan into the life they've lived, then, and only then, am I confident I can give good advice.

When I've know someone from the day they were born, like I have Andy, I don’t ask these questions. I realized in preparing for our conversation I was making a lot of assumptions. There was a lot I didn’t know about this man.

I was amazed at what I didn’t know.

I learned who he was as a kid. The challenges he faced as the oldest son. When and where he felt like he fit in and when and where he didn’t. How he accepted an invitation by a friend to attend a church. The challenge of faith in Jesus. The support he received from his church community when his parents divorced. It was all there, presented to me—his perspective, not my assumptions or observations.

I drilled down a bit on how he became born-again. In my experience, this is the life-changing event in every man or woman’s life. Surrender to Jesus is the born-again moment.

Here is a part of Andy’s story.

It was the beginning of the new school year. Andy was one of thirty high school kids sitting in the first two rows of the church. As he sat there in this crowd of his peers, he knew what was coming next. Today was the day all of them would be asked to come forward to be commissioned as leaders for Jesus in their school.

The pastor spoke, “This is a very special day. Today many of our students will re-dedicate their lives to Christ. Some will come forward and accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior for the very first time. Then we as a congregation will pray for their protection in their school and for their courage as witnesses for the living God.”

Everything Andy does he throws himself into one hundred percent. He is a contributor and a hard worker. His early time in this teen ministry was no exception. For the past year, Andy had been very engaged in the teen ministry. He attended the church service every week. This weekly attendance introduced him to the Bible. Every week Andy was learning more and more about God and his plan for man. He was like a sponge. He was captured by the words in the book and the explanation that followed. This led to a weekly Bible study with his high school peers. He was drinking from a fire hose.

And he was doing this all alone. His siblings did not join him. His mom and dad did not attend. But he kept going every week, week in and week out. In fact, his family thought he was going off the deep end.

The pastor said, “I would like all our high school students to come forward.”

Everyone stood up and made their way forward.

The first two rows were now empty except for one young man. Andy stayed behind. He remained in his seat, not moving.

I pictured him sitting there surrounded by a sea of empty seats. He was in high school. There is no greater peer pressure than that. All he had to do was get up and be with his classmates, the people in the teen ministry. Not Andy.

“Why didn’t you go to the front of the church with everyone else?” I asked.

“I knew what it meant to go up there. I would be expected to follow Jesus. I was learning about Jesus but knew I was not ready to make the commitment to follow him. When the time was right, I would do it,” he explained.

Later, at a concert, he told me he accepted the invitation. It was there he repented and gave his life to Jesus Christ. And what a great leader for Christ he became!

This story showed me Andy is an entrepreneur.

He has the courage and conviction to stand apart from his peers. Stand apart from the crowd. He also weighed the cost of a decision with a life-long impact. This included asking Natalie to marry him seven years ago. It also included leaving the best job he ever had to start his own company. It was time. He weighed the options. He decided the time is now.

And to think I’ve known this man all his life and never heard this story. I learned so much about my nephew that day. I learned so much about myself and the assumptions I make about the people closest to me.

You have a story.

It is worth telling. It is worth hearing.